Friday, 13 June 2014

Dad's are amazing too...

There is one person in my life who remains at my side, loves me unconditionally, supports me through the hard times, is my rock and my soulmate...he is also my children's Daddy and one of the best. Since we first got together in our college days we both wanted a family, he shared my dreams of becoming a parent, to have a child to love and cherish forever...when I learned the devastating news that I was infertile it was him who pulled me out of that dark hole, who helped me to stop being angry at the world, who made me happy again, who told me to never give up...after many fertility treatments we now have three gorgeous boys together who we love and cherish dearly. These boys complete our lives make us whole.

My husband is a brilliant father who clearly adores his boys and is fiercely protective of them. He may stuggle to show his emotions, speak his thoughts but his boys know that he loves them no matter what. They know he is always there for them...he is the joker in the family, he can cheer up whoever is feeling sad, he knows how to make each one of us smile, he is just like a big kid sometimes with the antics he gets up to but it makes life really interesting and funny! 

The biggest challenge he has ever had to face was his fear of having a disabled child...I remember during our college years when we were talking about disabilities etc and how we wouldn't mind if our children were born deaf or hearing, but you had one fear..,having a child with learning difficulties. When that fear came true the devastation in his face broke my heart, I could see he was struggling to accept that there was a possibility that our youngest child would be disabled when we went to our first appointment during Roo first year. While I too was devestated I did everything I could to research about our child's condition, the different tests, I searched for groups where I could talk about my fears, worries and I became a regular member of a few groups who supported us, my husband had no one...he didn't want to join any group, he didn't feel comfortable with that...instead he chose to bury his head in the sand...I have this blog which helps me to write about things that I think about and I can ramble on, wanting to share Roo journey with others, to explain the difficulties we face and also the good times...but I've come to realise that this journey is hard on my husband as he is a typical man who tends to bottle his feelings up, he will talk to me, open up to me, cry on my shoulder but he would never tell anyone...he struggles with the idea of coming with me to Roo's sn playgroup so he doesn't come, it takes a man longer to accept that their child may be disabled whereas mums tend to get on with it, reach out to others. 

He is a very relaxed person but in recent years he seems to get more angry...angry at the "why us, why our child?" Angry that we have no answers to why our son is he way he is, angry at the not knowing what the future holds. Angry that he struggles to lift and carry his own child as he has a back condition which has affected his life a lot and stopped him from working so he feels helpless as he should be supporting us. 

BUT regardless of everything he knows he is lucky and blessed to have three healthy boys, he knows they love and adore him unconditionally, his older children cuddle him every night and talk to him. Roo doesn't really talk and while he finds that hard he knows that when Roo leans on him, cuddles into his shoulder that it is his way of showing love to his daddy. He knows he is very lucky that Roo and his brothers bring so much joy into our lives and as long as Roo is smiling then it means he is happy and a happy child(ren) means happy parents.

So, I just wanted to say to my husband ... Thank you for being a fantastic Daddy to your boys, for always being there for them no matter what, they are lucky to have you.

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Simply Amazing!

I just want to tell you that my son is truly amazing...the change in him in 3mths is amazing itself that I keep thinking to myself "it's not a dream it's real!" 

What is so amazing you ask? Well he is communicating!!! I cannot believe it....he is so interested in sign  language and will now try to copy a lot of the signs we do and is even trying to say the words! It's like someone has flicked the switch and he is realising he can make vocal sounds and while a lot of the time he comes out with lots of babbling he also throws out words which often aren't said correctly but is still clear enough for some people to understand what he is saying :-) we still have days where he won't make a sound but as long as he keeps up the good days then I'm not worried about that. He also has started pointing, gesturing to things that he wants which is mainly to point at the biscuit cupboard or the fridge! Can you tell my boy loves eating?!! He will also grab your hand and pull you to where he wants you to go. 

We have also noticed that his understanding is improving too... If I open the dishwasher he will stand next to it and pull the dishes out , giving them to me to out away! , when it's time to feed my guide dog he will go and get her bowl and box of food and then put bowl back when filled with food ( while trying to sneak one or two into his mouth!) all simple things but they mean so much to me and it shows me that progress is possible, gives me hope for the future...Neuro did say that we will find he will make great progress then stop for a long while and then suddenly start making more progress before stopping etc...apperently this is common in disabled children.

Also another amazing thing is seeing his personality start to shine through....he is so happy at the moment, lots of giggling and smiles lately...the bad days are getting less slowly...he also has developed this cheeky glint in his eyes that just makes you laugh. When we say no about something he looks at you with a cheeky smile and then toddles away making you chase after him!!  But he is also becoming stubborn as if he doesn't like something or especially when walking he doesn't want to go that way or doesn't want to do it anymore he will just go floppy and drop to the ground..he is getting far too heavy to carry so are relying on his sn buggy more now when out in public. 

My husband and I were talking about how amazing Roo has been lately and we realised that this all started after the lumbar puncture he had to relieve the pressue in his it just a coindicence or did the lowing of pressure help him to feel better and start making progress?? I guess we will never know unless he develops the pressure again but hopefully he won't.

Here my amazing wee boy who despite his disabilities is doing brilliantly at this moment in time and I'm relishing in being able to say "well he can now do etc etc " instead of saying " oh having a bad day with constant screaming, just not interested in doing anything, wanting to lay on sofa etc etc" So we are all feeling the happiness at his amazingness after being in the darkness for a while..

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light "